Posts Tagged ‘Tobias’

Posts Tagged ‘Tobias’

Short attention Sp- oooooh… kittens!

5.10.2010 | 3 Comments

I’ve come to realize of late that I have a rather limited attention span. I’ll get these great ideas, stick with them for a week or so, then get really bored and walk away. I’m essentially a toddler in my spare time.

I’m going to move to the UK! YAY!

*looks up info, does research, has conference call with potential employer in Wales, gets everything ready to go*


I’m going to take martial arts! YAY!

*Researches which discipline I’d like to practice, scouts out the nearest facility, pays for a month’s worth of classes, attends two weeks of said class*


I’m going to take up oil painting! YAY!

*Buys paints, buys canvas, buys brushes, buys small easel, paints 127 paintings in 3 days*


So, there it is. I’ll admit it – I’m flaky. I get an idea, try it out, then ditch it. It’s like having one-night-stands, but with leisure activities. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll call… you know I respect you…”

But then here’s the thing: I CAN’T DITCH KILI! (Not that I want to!) It’s just that… well… I’ve always had to have an ‘escape route’, you know? For example, I have to drive to parties by myself so that I can leave when I want to. I have to be able to get out of any situation at any time, or I feel trapped and anxious. Sometimes I get freaked out at the start of yoga class because I know once that door is locked, I’m in there for that hour and a half, no matter what!  But this Kili thing – I can’t shake it! There’s no escape. There’s no leaving early. There’s no subbing in some other poor sap to climb for me. It’s all ME.

I get on the plane

I get to the mountain.

I summit.

It scares the living daylights out of me. There’s no escape.

You know, I should probably stop reading Papillon right about now. I have *got* to stop reading non-fiction!

Anyway,  let me take a moment to divert my attention and reveal the next Kili Gala Raffle Prize that will be available to win on June 5th at the big ‘ol fund raiser I’m doing for the Delta Hospice Society…

Ahhhhhhhh, perfection. What other name have thee? Oh sweet, sweet perfection, I know you thus: La Belle Auberge. Yes, that’s right, Bruno and Tobias have donated a $50 gift certificate to the best restaurant in the entire universe*.

So, if you’ve got a special occasion coming up, or if you just want to treat yourself and/or a loved one to a wonderful evening out, drop your raffle tickets in for the gift certificate to La Belle Auberge. I promise I won’t touch them. I won’t throw your raffle tickets away and keep only mine in the box… maybe… ok, ok, I’ll try.

…sort of.

*Yes, it IS the best restaurant in the entire universe.


Late Disclaimer

4.27.2010 | 2 Comments

So, tomorrow morning I am meeting with Nancy Macey, the Head Honcho(Honchess? Honchette?) at The Delta Hospice Society. Nancy is a lovely woman, and obviously someone who is capable of making things happen. I admire her greatly, and have a profound respect for her determination and professionalism.

But for some reason, I’m nervous about meeting with her! I’ve met her before, but in a group of people, so she most likely wouldn’t remember me. I’ve heard little snippets from people here and there about things she does that make me smile (you know, aside from that whole Build-a-Hospice thing). Apparently she reads my blog from time to time, and has even forwarded an entry on to someone else. Pretty cool, if you ask me.

So, why does she want to see me NOW? I mean, I’ve been doing this whole Kili thing for months, and now I have a meeting with her. It can only be one thing: my Tobias/God post. That’s got to be it. I mean, did I *really* think I’d get away with the sentence “so, you’ve been dicking around with God again, have you?“…

That’s it. I’m toast.

She’s going to shake my hand and say, “Robyn, we appreciate all you’ve done, but I need to be honest… you’re a little crazy in the coconut, girl. I mean, satyrs? Mermaids? God Veggies? What is WRONG with you, lady? Were you dropped on your head as a child or something?”

I can *totally* see Nancy Macey saying that, can’t you?

So… in order to preempt my humiliation at the Centre for Supportive Care tomorrow morning, let me just give this small disclaimer that I should have publicised at the onset…

The Delta Hospice Society may support Robyn in her endeavor to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro to raise $10,000 for the Delta Hospice Society, but they may not necessarily support her literary oddities. If Robyn comes off as being a complete kookbag, The Delta Hospice Society may be forced to hide under their desks and not answer the door when the media comes knocking. The Delta Hospice Society reserves the right to scream “WE’RE NOT HERE” with impunity. The Delta Hospice Society may not agree with or support Robyn’s opinions, but we respect her right to say them, provided she do so with impeccable spelling and with the least amount of grammatical errors possible. Although the Delta Hospice Society may nod and smile when asked about Robyn’s endeavour, we ask that you please ignore the askew eyebrow reactions. Head shaking and facepalming are par for the course.

Thank you.

There. That should do it. See you tomorrow, Nancy!



I think I’m still Drunk.

4.25.2010 | 6 Comments

Last night my good friend Elli and I went to La Belle Auberge restaurant in Ladner. It was beyond amazing.

Bruno Marti is a genius. There’s really not a whole lot more to say. For those of you that have been to La Belle Auberge, you are most likely nodding your head in agreement right now. I have no idea how someone can make art out of bananas and butter. It makes no sense! We Ladnerites are so, SO fortunate to have his restaurant in our little town.

And then there’s Tobias. TOBIAS! Now, I may be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure that Tobias wakes up each morning at dawn, hops in his winged chariot and races toward the sun. He knocks on the door of our favourite heavenly fireball and God himself answers. “Tobias!”, God exclaims, “I’ve just made espresso. Come on in and put your feet up on these 40 virgins while I fetch you a cup.” God and Tobias sit and chat for a while, talking about all sorts of important things, like flaky pie crusts, asparagus foam, and how to perfectly bake an apple in a sea of brandy.

God leans in. He looks left, he looks right…

“Now Tobias”, he whispers, “I think that it’s time you finally told me what I need to know. You can trust me, my friend.”

Tobias puts down his cup.

“Listen God”, says Tobias patiently, “I’m not telling you, ok? You and I have had this conversation many times, and every time we do, I have to remind you that you’re GOD. You’re all omnipotent and stuff. You have crazy, freaky monkey powers! I mean seriously dude, you created like, a universe in less than a week or something! You’re just going to have to figure this one out on your own.”

Tobias gently waves away the satyr who is fanning him with a golden palm frond. He leans back, picks up his cup once again, and sips his espresso.

God ponders.

“… would you like a profiterole?”, he asks.

“Don’t try and bribe me God”, says Tobias knowingly.

Raging, God stands- “Dammit, Tobias! Why are you so freaking stubborn!?” He crosses his arms. He sticks out his Godly bottom lip.

Tobias hands his cup to the waiting mermaid beside him. He stands, “listen God. I’m doing this for your own good. I’ve done everything I can, but I feel you really must learn this on your own. I’ve already given you a lot of secrets, haven’t I?”

“Yah”, says God as he kicks at the dirt in a pout.

“Remember the lion?”, Say Tobias

“Uh, huh”, God nods.

“That was a good one, right? I mean, you even gave him that poufy thing at the end of his tail like I suggested! You did a really good job with that. And what about that whole Peace on Earth concept? You really ran with that one! I mean, the idea came to me, and I told you about it, but you really made it your own!”

God bashfully raises his eyes. “Yah… that was pretty good, eh?” (God is Canadian)

“God”, Tobias says as he rests a hand on God’s shoulder, “you’re talented. You should know that by now.  You are capable of some pretty funky things, my friend. So you need to learn to trust in your abilities. I can only teach you so much, the rest is up to you, ok?  Ok? God… are you listening to me?”

“Yah,” says God as he drops his hands, “I’m listening. Thanks Tobias. It means a lot to have you believe in me, you know.”

Tobias and God shake hands. They walk quietly through the Lotus Flower garden toward the Dinosaur sanctuary. God waves his hands this way and that, as imps and sprites collect armloads of Heaven-grown herbs, and woven baskets of angel-blessed vegetables. God and Tobias walk along, continuing to talk about all things gastronomical. They stop by God’s kitchen where Tobias teaches God how not to over-stir scrambled eggs. God is grateful, because he really sucks at making scrambled eggs for some reason. God waves his hand over Tobias’  head and bestows upon him the gift of butter-fat-imperviousness. They high-five each other.

And then, with Tobias’ chariot laden with cloud-grown goods, the two shake hands and say goodbye. God presents Tobias with a floating bag of profiteroles. Tobias puts it in the glove-compartment, and with the help of extra-cute fluffy puppies and ridiculously adorable wide-eyed kittens, he gets into the chariot.

And as Tobias descends back to Earth, God leans against the door of the sun, wiping his hands on his goldleaf apron and shaking his head. God looks down and sees happily dancing broccoflower at his feet. He smiles and walks back to his kitchen.

Tobias and his chariot full of God Veggies alight at the back door of La Belle Auberge. Bruno stands at the door with arms crossed. “So”, he says, “been dicking around with God all morning again, have you? Which of your secrets did you give away THIS time, Tobias?”

Tobias looks up, smiles, and says, “I didn’t tell him about the sablefish, Bruno. I promise.”

And as Bruno and Tobias step into the La Belle Auberge kitchen, lightning forks across the sky.