Posts Tagged ‘Spiders’

Posts Tagged ‘Spiders’

I need a Hero

7.03.2010 | 0 Comments

As I type this, Chris is attempting to corner a spider in the house. I don’t want him to kill the spider, just help him to find a new home outside. Of course this means that Chris has to chase the little bugger around with a coffee cup and my most recent mortgage statement. Aaaaaaaaaaaand, that’s why I’m in here.

Maybe I can bring him along with me to Africa…

Honey, there’s a spider the size of Texas in my hiking boot. Can you get him out for me, please? But don’t kill him! Ooooh… I think he has fangs… and wears boxing gloves… and I think he has a knife. Thanks honey!


Disaster Magnet, Intrepid Explorer.

2.19.2010 | 1 Comment

I do not travel well. Really, I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I love to get out into the craziness of the world and experience new things, but whenever I do something inevitably goes horribly awry.

Like the time I spent a week on the beautiful island of Virgin Gorda after the airline had lost my luggage. Well, when I say “lost” I actually mean “sitting behind the counter in the San Juan airport, the victim of “It’s Not My Job”. Not that one needs a lot of luggage to chill out on a Caribbean island, but a bikini is always nice. And some sunscreen. Since the friend who I was staying with was a size zero, (I don’t care what anyone says, ZERO is NOT a size!), I had to break down and buy a bikini on the island. For $250.

Or how about the time when I went to Paris, and my travel partner took ill and went into the hospital. I must say, wandering around Pigalle by oneself while worried about the health of someone you care about can really put a new spin on a vacation. No worries though, I hopped a bus to Rotterdam. Unfortunately, they showed the movie “Air Bud” on the bus trip. And I cried like a baby through the entire movie, trying desperately to hide my face and sob into my shoulder.

Then there was the “I’ll-Sleep-In-The-Lobby” sized argument that I had with a friend in Mexico City.

And the 3-day leg rash and edema in Amsterdam.

And, of course, the “Your-Credit-Card-Has-Been-Compromised-So-We-Cancelled-It” fiasco that happened when I still had three days left in Greece.

And finally, the “Screaming-Toddler-On-The-Flight-Home” ordeal. Seriously, that kid wailed for almost SEVEN STRAIGHT HOURS. I’ve never seen anything like it. The day after I got home I went to Bose and bought those fabulous Noise-Canceling headphones. HALLELUJAH!

At the time, all of these things were devastating, humiliating and/or mondo-sob inducing. But when I look back now, I can laugh at these situations. I know that something horrendous will happen when I am in Tanzania, and that scares the crap out of me. I’m just hoping it doesn’t involve spiders. Or mugging. Or mugging spiders.

However, no matter what happens, I also know that I’ll be able to laugh about it as time passes. But I’ll admit it: I’m really scared right now…


Why I don’t ‘Do’ Camping

1.17.2010 | 3 Comments

I was supposed to go camping this weekend, but unfortunately, it just didn’t happen. I did, however pull all my (unused) camping gear out of storage. Of course I’m too afraid to actually open the boxes and go through it all because I am *sure* there are at least 72 big, fat, hairy, angry, heart-stopping, fast-moving, building-jumping, super-sonic, radioactive, big-fanged, growling, snarky spiders-with-a-penchant-for-Robyn-Tasting-Flesh in there. So I will gladly keep the lids closed until I have someone here who has a lesser fear and/or bigger, heavier shoes.

However, I do have to open the boxes before Tuesday because that is when the Delta Cable camera crew will be coming by to film me going through the camping gear. My reaction to seeing a spider is something I’d really rather NOT have caught on film, thanks. I’ve just got to be brave. Or maybe drunk. Or quite possibly both.

Stupid scary British Columbia spiders! I hate them! HATE THEM! Well, at least there aren’t any spiders in Africa! *whew*

…hmmm, you know, maybe I’d better double check just to be sure…

*Googles “Africa Spider”*

Let’s see, let’s see… here we go! First article up is from National Geographic… and what does it say here…

“African Spider Craves Human Blood, Scientists Find”

What? That’s not right. That can’t be right… can it? Maybe I should just stop while I’m ahead. Maybe I should just walk away from the computer and NOT let my curiosity get the best of me. Yeah, that’s a good plan. A really good plan. Yep, just going to get up and walk away… right now… here I go… really…

*Do NOT do a Google Image Search, do NOT do a Google Image Search, do NOT do a Googl…*