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I think I’m still Drunk.

4.25.2010 | Ladner, My Blog

Last night my good friend Elli and I went to La Belle Auberge restaurant in Ladner. It was beyond amazing.

Bruno Marti is a genius. There’s really not a whole lot more to say. For those of you that have been to La Belle Auberge, you are most likely nodding your head in agreement right now. I have no idea how someone can make art out of bananas and butter. It makes no sense! We Ladnerites are so, SO fortunate to have his restaurant in our little town.

And then there’s Tobias. TOBIAS! Now, I may be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure that Tobias wakes up each morning at dawn, hops in his winged chariot and races toward the sun. He knocks on the door of our favourite heavenly fireball and God himself answers. “Tobias!”, God exclaims, “I’ve just made espresso. Come on in and put your feet up on these 40 virgins while I fetch you a cup.” God and Tobias sit and chat for a while, talking about all sorts of important things, like flaky pie crusts, asparagus foam, and how to perfectly bake an apple in a sea of brandy.

God leans in. He looks left, he looks right…

“Now Tobias”, he whispers, “I think that it’s time you finally told me what I need to know. You can trust me, my friend.”

Tobias puts down his cup.

“Listen God”, says Tobias patiently, “I’m not telling you, ok? You and I have had this conversation many times, and every time we do, I have to remind you that you’re GOD. You’re all omnipotent and stuff. You have crazy, freaky monkey powers! I mean seriously dude, you created like, a universe in less than a week or something! You’re just going to have to figure this one out on your own.”

Tobias gently waves away the satyr who is fanning him with a golden palm frond. He leans back, picks up his cup once again, and sips his espresso.

God ponders.

“… would you like a profiterole?”, he asks.

“Don’t try and bribe me God”, says Tobias knowingly.

Raging, God stands- “Dammit, Tobias! Why are you so freaking stubborn!?” He crosses his arms. He sticks out his Godly bottom lip.

Tobias hands his cup to the waiting mermaid beside him. He stands, “listen God. I’m doing this for your own good. I’ve done everything I can, but I feel you really must learn this on your own. I’ve already given you a lot of secrets, haven’t I?”

“Yah”, says God as he kicks at the dirt in a pout.

“Remember the lion?”, Say Tobias

“Uh, huh”, God nods.

“That was a good one, right? I mean, you even gave him that poufy thing at the end of his tail like I suggested! You did a really good job with that. And what about that whole Peace on Earth concept? You really ran with that one! I mean, the idea came to me, and I told you about it, but you really made it your own!”

God bashfully raises his eyes. “Yah… that was pretty good, eh?” (God is Canadian)

“God”, Tobias says as he rests a hand on God’s shoulder, “you’re talented. You should know that by now.  You are capable of some pretty funky things, my friend. So you need to learn to trust in your abilities. I can only teach you so much, the rest is up to you, ok?  Ok? God… are you listening to me?”

“Yah,” says God as he drops his hands, “I’m listening. Thanks Tobias. It means a lot to have you believe in me, you know.”

Tobias and God shake hands. They walk quietly through the Lotus Flower garden toward the Dinosaur sanctuary. God waves his hands this way and that, as imps and sprites collect armloads of Heaven-grown herbs, and woven baskets of angel-blessed vegetables. God and Tobias walk along, continuing to talk about all things gastronomical. They stop by God’s kitchen where Tobias teaches God how not to over-stir scrambled eggs. God is grateful, because he really sucks at making scrambled eggs for some reason. God waves his hand over Tobias’  head and bestows upon him the gift of butter-fat-imperviousness. They high-five each other.

And then, with Tobias’ chariot laden with cloud-grown goods, the two shake hands and say goodbye. God presents Tobias with a floating bag of profiteroles. Tobias puts it in the glove-compartment, and with the help of extra-cute fluffy puppies and ridiculously adorable wide-eyed kittens, he gets into the chariot.

And as Tobias descends back to Earth, God leans against the door of the sun, wiping his hands on his goldleaf apron and shaking his head. God looks down and sees happily dancing broccoflower at his feet. He smiles and walks back to his kitchen.

Tobias and his chariot full of God Veggies alight at the back door of La Belle Auberge. Bruno stands at the door with arms crossed. “So”, he says, “been dicking around with God all morning again, have you? Which of your secrets did you give away THIS time, Tobias?”

Tobias looks up, smiles, and says, “I didn’t tell him about the sablefish, Bruno. I promise.”

And as Bruno and Tobias step into the La Belle Auberge kitchen, lightning forks across the sky.




From Alison: WHAT an imagination you have. you should write children’s books.


You know… after re-reading this post, I can honestly say that I have NO IDEA where that all came from. It’s official – I’m warped.


Oh.My.God. (no pun intended) You are ONE TALENTED chick!


Tobias -> God : “If I tell you everytime, you’ll never learn.”


Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to marinade a fish in butter and mustard seed, he gets to run a very nice restaurant.

[…] Dear Tobias (yes, THAT Tobias), […]