Posts Tagged ‘Popcorn’

Posts Tagged ‘Popcorn’


The Ay-yi-yi!’s of March

3.01.2010 | 0 Comments

 

Well here it is – March 1st. Today I get down to it and really start focusing on the fact that chocolate has become a food group in my diet, there’s an extra flubby roll across my waistband when I bend down to tie up my shoes, and I jiggle in the places I’m not supposed to jiggle. (Sadly, I also don’t jiggle where I’m supposed to jiggle, but that’s a whole other topic, really).

I have thrown away all my popcorn. I have tossed out the butter. I have emptied the Chocolate Jar (I attempted to do this by eating the contents, but this was apparently counter-productive). I have locked the liquor cabinet, tossed out the crackers, and glued my Cookies and Cakes cookbook shut.

Sooooo… my life pretty much sucks right now. *sigh*

Nah, not really. It’s rather exciting, actually, but that’s mostly because I drink about 4 litres of water a day now, and find myself journeying into strange and exotic places looking for a washroom. (FYI: Joey’s on Broadway and Granville has the best bathroom EVER).

So, aside from my Olympic Urinating Relay, and my Olympic Naughty Grocery Toss, I now need to tackle the Olympic Get My Butt In Shape-a-thon.

And in the end, I’ll get to hang a snow-covered, equatorial, free-standing mountain around my neck.

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Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

1.05.2010 | 0 Comments

I need to get into shape. I can barely climb a flight of stairs in the condition I’m in right now, so climbing a mountain would be foolish, dangerous, and quite possibly the most amusing thing that someone could witness.

From here on in, I am going to eat a balanced and energizing diet. I will force myself to admit that neither cereal nor popcorn constitutes an honest meal. I will take drastic measures to ensure that I stick to my eating plan…

I have sealed all my Christmas candy and chocolate in a large, glass jar, and I have taped the lid shut.

OH, THE HUMANITY!

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