Darwin’s Power Bar

2.22.2010 | Protein Bar Taste Test

Oh yes, one more time: The Protein Bar Taste Test! (insert ominous, yet enjoyable music here)

Brand: Power Bar Recovery
Flavour: Peanut Butter Caramel Crisp
Tag Line: “Rebuilds muscles”
First Ingredient: Chocolatey coating (sugar, fractionated palm kernel oil, cocoa, whey powder, skim milk powder, soy lecithin, vanilla flavour)

Oh man, do I really have to eat this? I haven’t even taken the wrapper off and I’m already grossed out. I remember Power Bars from many years ago; they were thin little bricks of tooth-shattering blah. I really hope they’ve changed things. I have terrible memories of trying to chew and swallow bite-sized pieces of these flavoured rock lumps. No matter how much water I drank, I couldn’t ever seem to move that lump down my gullet in a timely manner. In fact, I may still have Power Bar stuck in my throat from 12 years ago.

Aw, man! Seriously?! “Chocolatey” isn’t even a word and it’s their first ingredient! That’s it, I’m taking marks off simply for irrational spelling! Oh, Power Bar, why do you hate me so?

I may as well just get it over with…

*unwraps Power Bar Recovery*

Oh Power Bar! My, how you’ve changed! This is even better than the Isoflex bar! In fact, you’re giving Clif a serious run for the money, my friend. You know all those mean, nasty things I said about you, Power Bar? Well, I totally don’t take them back, because really you did used to be quite horrid. However, it seems as though you have new Darwin-esque employees on your staff, and so have adapted your bar to better suit the environment. You’ve become edible, little bar! Awwww…. *sniff* that’s so beautiful. You’ve worked so hard, and it really has paid off. I’m so proud of you, little guy!

*lightly punches Power Bar in the shoulder*



[…] ate, ate, ate, and ate, and ate, ate, and happily ate, and ate, and ate, shamefully ate, ate, ate and attempted to explain sarcasm, ate, and ate, and ate, and tried to […]