Disaster Magnet, Intrepid Explorer.

2.19.2010 | Uncategorized

I do not travel well. Really, I don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I love to get out into the craziness of the world and experience new things, but whenever I do something inevitably goes horribly awry.

Like the time I spent a week on the beautiful island of Virgin Gorda after the airline had lost my luggage. Well, when I say “lost” I actually mean “sitting behind the counter in the San Juan airport, the victim of “It’s Not My Job”. Not that one needs a lot of luggage to chill out on a Caribbean island, but a bikini is always nice. And some sunscreen. Since the friend who I was staying with was a size zero, (I don’t care what anyone says, ZERO is NOT a size!), I had to break down and buy a bikini on the island. For $250.

Or how about the time when I went to Paris, and my travel partner took ill and went into the hospital. I must say, wandering around Pigalle by oneself while worried about the health of someone you care about can really put a new spin on a vacation. No worries though, I hopped a bus to Rotterdam. Unfortunately, they showed the movie “Air Bud” on the bus trip. And I cried like a baby through the entire movie, trying desperately to hide my face and sob into my shoulder.

Then there was the “I’ll-Sleep-In-The-Lobby” sized argument that I had with a friend in Mexico City.

And the 3-day leg rash and edema in Amsterdam.

And, of course, the “Your-Credit-Card-Has-Been-Compromised-So-We-Cancelled-It” fiasco that happened when I still had three days left in Greece.

And finally, the “Screaming-Toddler-On-The-Flight-Home” ordeal. Seriously, that kid wailed for almost SEVEN STRAIGHT HOURS. I’ve never seen anything like it. The day after I got home I went to Bose and bought those fabulous Noise-Canceling headphones. HALLELUJAH!

At the time, all of these things were devastating, humiliating and/or mondo-sob inducing. But when I look back now, I can laugh at these situations. I know that something horrendous will happen when I am in Tanzania, and that scares the crap out of me. I’m just hoping it doesn’t involve spiders. Or mugging. Or mugging spiders.

However, no matter what happens, I also know that I’ll be able to laugh about it as time passes. But I’ll admit it: I’m really scared right now…



[…] experienced nor the most confident traveler, and as you may recall, I tend to be a rather adept Disaster Magnet. I don’t think these are fantastic qualities to be in possession of when traveling to a place […]