Climb for Hospice

I skipped the gym on Thursday. Normally I don’t do that, but I was feeling overwhelmed and I needed to take a break from something – unfortunately, it was the gym that got the axe this week.

I felt guilty about it, yes, but at the same time I knew that I needed a rest. I’ve been going at Mach 2 since I made the decision to climb Mt. Kilmanjaro – it’s all I think about! Training, fundraising, buying gear, looking at flights, researching hotels, researching safaris… I’m the Chuck Yeager of thinking.

And when I’m NOT thinking about something revolving around this trip, I’m feeling guilty because I’m not in “perfect” shape. I feel guilty when I eat a cracker, guilty when I drink a Gatorade, guilty when I drive to the grocery store, guilty when my pants are too tight, guilty when I eat bread, guilty when I drink wine, guilty when I give in to one of my many, MANY chocolate cravings – guilt, guilt, guilt!! My brain thinks it’s a Jewish matriarch.

On Thursday night, I looked in the mirror and thought, ‘you know what? I don’t look that bad right now…’ I finally saw that maybe I was being a little hard on myself for not having a body that looks like Elle MacPherson‘s.

Maybe I’m ok with having a body that looks a little different. Is having a muffin top all that bad? I mean, it’s not THAT much of a muffin top – it’s like… like… like if a baker only half filled the muffin tin, and the muffin just sorta‘ baked over the top. My belly kind of looks like THIS…. (and I certainly wouldn’t complain if the rest of me looked like that!)

I love women like Sophia Loren. She’s all about women having a little pudge. Drink wine! Eat pasta! Eat bread! Now THAT’S a role roll model!

So maybe I’ve had a brief glimpse of acceptance. Maybe I’ve had a moment of being ok with what I look like. So what if I don’t weigh 128lbs. I haven’t weighed 128lbs since high school! And who wants to look like they did in high school?!

Muffin-top or not, I can still climb a mountain.

…I just had a thought.

Have I finally found acceptance, or have I just found the perfect excuse for laziness?

Who cares!  I’m climbing a mountain.

It really is remarkable how a few days off of exercising can make one feel rather puddle-esque. I’ve been laid up for a couple of days now, taking time off of work, running, yoga, and life to just heal. About a week ago my arthritis started giving me problems, and for the past three days I’ve been on crutches and taking medications to allow me at least a little sleep at night.

That being said, as I look down at my wee muffin-top flopping over my pants, I shake my head in wonder at how little time it takes to go from lean, mean, hiking machine to puffy, round, love-lump. I’m really looking forward to getting back on track with my exercising. I know that I’ll be going hiking this Sunday, but to ensure that actually happens, I need to take another night off. No yoga for me, I’m afraid.

I’ll admit to you now, that I really haven’t been eating well of late. I’m eating too many processed foods, and it makes a huge difference in how my body looks, works and feels. It really is remarkable how all those easy-snacky foods that are stuffed in the bottom drawer of my desk at work make such a large impact on, well… my butt. My love handles are getting pretty over-developed, too. This is not a good look for me.

I think I need to ask my personal trainer, Cara, to make up a new eating plan for me. That could help. The first time she made me one, I felt amazing after only three days on it. After about a week, I noticed that my pants were getting quite loose. About three days after that, my belts didn’t fit. And so when I went to see Cara the next day, she added a couple ‘cheat meals’ to my eating plan, because she really wasn’t expecting my body to react so quickly to the new eating regimen. I have to admit, it was kind of frightening how much weight I shed in so little time. Just goes to show that filling up on bad stuff, leads to bad stuff filling you up.

I think I’ll call Cara right now…