Posts Tagged ‘guilt’

Posts Tagged ‘guilt’


Maybe, Maybe, Muffin, Maybe…

4.24.2010 | 0 Comments

I skipped the gym on Thursday. Normally I don’t do that, but I was feeling overwhelmed and I needed to take a break from something – unfortunately, it was the gym that got the axe this week.

I felt guilty about it, yes, but at the same time I knew that I needed a rest. I’ve been going at Mach 2 since I made the decision to climb Mt. Kilmanjaro – it’s all I think about! Training, fundraising, buying gear, looking at flights, researching hotels, researching safaris… I’m the Chuck Yeager of thinking.

And when I’m NOT thinking about something revolving around this trip, I’m feeling guilty because I’m not in “perfect” shape. I feel guilty when I eat a cracker, guilty when I drink a Gatorade, guilty when I drive to the grocery store, guilty when my pants are too tight, guilty when I eat bread, guilty when I drink wine, guilty when I give in to one of my many, MANY chocolate cravings – guilt, guilt, guilt!! My brain thinks it’s a Jewish matriarch.

On Thursday night, I looked in the mirror and thought, ‘you know what? I don’t look that bad right now…’ I finally saw that maybe I was being a little hard on myself for not having a body that looks like Elle MacPherson‘s.

Maybe I’m ok with having a body that looks a little different. Is having a muffin top all that bad? I mean, it’s not THAT much of a muffin top – it’s like… like… like if a baker only half filled the muffin tin, and the muffin just sorta‘ baked over the top. My belly kind of looks like THIS…. (and I certainly wouldn’t complain if the rest of me looked like that!)

I love women like Sophia Loren. She’s all about women having a little pudge. Drink wine! Eat pasta! Eat bread! Now THAT’S a role roll model!

So maybe I’ve had a brief glimpse of acceptance. Maybe I’ve had a moment of being ok with what I look like. So what if I don’t weigh 128lbs. I haven’t weighed 128lbs since high school! And who wants to look like they did in high school?!

Muffin-top or not, I can still climb a mountain.

…I just had a thought.

Have I finally found acceptance, or have I just found the perfect excuse for laziness?

Who cares!  I’m climbing a mountain.

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