Motivation

Motivation


Well Hello There!

6.08.2010 | 2 Comments

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back! Seems we had a wee systems issue for a bit there, but we’re back up and running now. Yay!

Ok, so I’m going to admit it: I’ve totally lost my motivation.

Again.

I’ve become all complacent and ‘meh‘ of late, and it’s taking a toll.  I *know* what I have to do, but I’m not bloody well doing it. I’ve become Lazy Pants McGee, and it’s not pretty. And to make matters worse, I have recently discovered that Dairy Queen makes a Peanut Buster Parfait Blizzard!  I KNOW!! It’s a good thing that the nearest DQ is a bit of a drive from here, and it helps that I’m a cheap-o who doesn’t want to waste the gas to get there.  Sometimes being Scottish pays off!

So, yes. I’m a slug. A slugball.

I’m a slobby slugball of Meh.

A slobby slugball of meh, with a Refuse-To-itis infection, wrapped in a vortex of excuse-o-rama.

Excuses, excuses, excuses!  “It’s too windy… it’s too hot… it’s too cold… it’s too far… it’s not far enough… I just washed my hair… the helmet makes my forehead break out… chlorine ruins my skin… I’ll get sweaty… I’m too tired… I just want to finish the last few chapters of my book… the dogs can’t come with me, and that makes me feel guilty… I’ll go tomorrow… blah, blah, blah…

I’m such a twit. If I were half as motivated as I am creative, I’d be in great shape by now!

I am totally underestimating this climb, and I’m going to be in for a VERY rude awakening if I don’t get my act together soon.

I’m sure I’ll do that tomorrow…

Share

Election.

6.01.2010 | 4 Comments

Yesterday I was looking into obtaining travel Visas, given that I am traveling in two different African countries: Rwanda and Tanzania. I know that I need a Visa for Tanzania, but wasn’t sure if I needed one for when I land in Kigali, Rwanda. Wanted to make sure I had all that in place before my trip snuck up on me – it’s amazing how fast the time is whipping by!

So, I go onto the government Travel Information site, and pull up Rwanda’s info. This is what I see:

The level of Travel Warning in this report has not changed.  Sections 2 (grenade attacks in Kigali on May 15) has been updated. Exercise High Degree of Caution.

wut.

Travellers should be vigilant at all times. Although uncommon, attacks by rebel groups and incidents of violence occur from time to time. Grenade attacks have occurred in a number of areas in the country, including in the Southern Province and Kigali in 2009. A number of similar attacks have been occurring in Kigali since February 2010. The attacks usually occur at nightfall. A main central roundabout, a busy bus station and a restaurant at the center of Kigali were targeted in previous attacks, with the most recent one occuring on May 15, 2010. Casualties have been reported as a result of these attacks.

I send the info to Ali. She reads it and responds that upon speaking with a friend of hers in the area, she learns that there is actually an election taking place (only the 2nd election since the Genocide) in Rwanda on August 9th. That’s 5 days before I land in Kigali.

Now, I’m  not the most experienced nor the most confident traveler, and as you may recall, I tend to be a rather adept Disaster Magnet. I don’t think these are fantastic qualities to be in possession of when traveling to a place where there are grenade attacks happening at random.

I have a decision to make.

I go back to Marlin Travel, and ask to change my flight. I will not be going to Rwanda.

I must admit, I do feel like a bit of a wuss for this. Like I’m quitting, or giving up, or backing out… but I’m just not comfortable going to Rwanda. I haven’t ever been 100% sold on the idea, but I wanted to experience something totally out of my comfort zone. However, sitting in a Rwandan hospital with limbs missing is just a tad beyond my comfort zone, really, so hey… that’s that.

Sure. I know I have an over-active imagination. I fully realize that, and take total responsibility for my occasional freak-outs of gargantuan magnitude. And yes, maybe I’m totally blowing this whole “grenade attacks” thing out of proportion. But I’m willing to look foolish over this. I’d much rather be proven wrong than have my parents pick up a pine box at the airport back home.

So, I am now flying from Vancouver to Dar es Salaam. This will then give me the opportunity I have been looking for to spend some time exploring Zanzibar. Yes, I’ll miss seeing the mountain gorillas in Rwanda this time, and yes, I’ll miss out on doing so with Alison, whose dream is to see those mountain gorillas.

And yes, that does hurt my heart.

I feel like I’m making the right decision, but that doesn’t make it any less sad that I’ll miss out on witnessing  a good friend achieve her dream.

Guess I’ll just have to give her an extra hug when we’re standing on the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro.

Share

Waking Up.

5.28.2010 | 0 Comments

I happened to walk past the used book store on the weekend, and I saw a book entitled ‘My Maasai Life’. I went home, looked the book up on-line, and saw that it was the story of a young woman who made the choice to live with a Maasai family in Kenya for a year. The reviews were good, the premise seemed really interesting, and it seemed to appeal to me very much. So, yesterday as I was walking by the same used book store I went in and bought the book.

I started reading it as soon as I got home. I read the intro, read the dedication, read the front and back covers inside and out, and then I began reading the book. Right from the start this young woman’s story called to me. There was just something about it that fit with me, something that made me feel like I could be her, and that I could have written that book. I was engrossed! So engrossed, in fact, that it wasn’t until page nine that I realized that the author’s name was Robin.

Instantly I saw how completely disconnected I truly am.

I need to wake up. If I’m going to experience life-changing moments, I need to be not just open to them, but I actually need to be aware of them.

Something else in this book shocked me back into reality, and made me feel truly embarrassed about myself at the same time. Robin was relating her first experiences with the street children in Nairobi, Kenya, and how she had never witnessed such poverty, such need, such desperation. These children had nothing. Truly had nothing; no home, no clothing, no food, no money, no family. The one thing they possessed was the survival instinct, and that often took the form of violence. These children had nothing.

And as horrified as I was reading her accounts, the one thing that struck me was this: those children, with nothing, in the middle of Nairobi, from wretchedly poor families, growing up in the slums before running to the street… those children spoke English.

They spoke English.

I was instantly ashamed of myself.

My first thought was that I was grateful that there was a good chance that I would meet some English-speaking people in Tanzania and Rwanda that could help me if I needed it. My second thought was that I was such a pretentious North American jackass, that I was happy to assume that people from another country would be proficient enough in English to assist me. For MY sake.

I’m going to THEIR country. My god, shouldn’t I at least learn the basics of their language? Yes. Yes, I should.

Today I am going to contact a woman who teaches Swahili. Not everyone in Tanzania and/or Rwanda speaks Swahili, but at least I’ll be able to get by somewhat, and I’ll feel more like a human being who has respect for other human beings. What right do I have to simply assume that others should speak MY language in THEIR country, simply for my comfort?

I have a lot to learn…

Share

My Bucket Overfloweth

5.27.2010 | 5 Comments

Last night as my dogs ran around like maniacs in the park, a group of us dog owners stood around chatting to pass the time until our dogs eventually got tired and fell over. The subject of my climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro came up, and I got the requisite, “why?!” question. I explained why, and someone else responded with, “why?!” Someone then said that climbing Kili was on my “Bucket List“.

I do have a ‘Life List’, and I can guarantee you that climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro is definitely NOT on it. I wrote the list in 2002, and I may not know exactly what’s on it anymore, but I am sure that the word ‘Kilimanjaro’ does not appear anywhere. Actually… what *is* on it now? Let’s find out!  Hmmm… well, it’s about 4 pages long (it’s point form!), so I’ll pare it down a bit.

Wow – I haven’t looked at this for a very long time. There’s a lot of traveling I want to do, apparently! This is really interesting for me because I wrote this list truly thinking that I’d never achieve the things I put on it. They were all just far off dreams. But I can actually say that I’m able to tick some items off this list! I’m going to highlight the things that I’ve actually already done.

Walk a Red Carpet, Own one pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes, Go to LA, Learn to Salsa, Speak fluent Spanish, Conquer Fisher Peak, Own my own home, Own my own car, Make love on every continent (with the same partner!)…

Travel to South America, Smoke a cigar and play poker, Take a tropical vacation, Try snorkeling, Own a set of good knives, Pay off all of my loans, Take Yoga classes on a regular basis, Sleep in a beach hut, Take a vacation touring wineries, Bungee jump, Buy myself one really beautiful piece of jewelry

Spend one night at The Banff Springs Hotel, Visit Haida Gwaii, Walk Rodeo Drive, Visit The Florida Everglades, Act on-stage again, Go to Disneyland!, Write a novel/collection of short stories/poetry, Experience Romance everyday, Buy a house with a yard, Stay at the W Hotel in the Maldives, Go to Australia…

Go on a Safari, Stay at the Chateau Marmont, Own a BMW, Go to Nova Scotia and Newfoundland, Spend time on a Wolf reserve, Make donations to charity every year, Kayak in Ladner, Spend a weekend in Las Vegas, Take the train across Canada, Learn to snowboard, Go to India, Be someone’s muse, Steal someone’s heart, Be kissed every night, Fall in love.

Well. There we go. I think I’ve done pretty well so far! And hey, I’ve got a whole life before me yet.

Hmmmm, I wonder what’s on your “Bucket List”?

Share

Write and Wrong

5.21.2010 | 2 Comments

Given that I now have some free time that I could devote to my writing, my step-mother recommended that I see a friend of hers who is a ‘writing coach’.  Now, I don’t really know what a writing coach is, but it sounds interesting nonetheless. Who knows, maybe he’ll be able to give me some ideas on how to forge ahead. Sort of take the reins a bit and steer me in the right direction. Be there to offer support and guidance, and let me know how I can improve. Be some sort of leader, if you will. Some form of instructor who focuses on my abilities… if only there were a word for a person like that.

I met the WC at a coffee shop on Dunbar and we had a nice hour-long chat about life, spirituality, travel and travel writing. I told him about my trip to Kili and, as it turns out, he had actually climbed Kili as a child. I told him about going to Kigali, and he told me that someone in his family works as security for a government figure there. I told him about wanting to go see Zanzibar, and he told me that he had lived there for seven years. You know, I’m thinking that this relationship could really work…

He certainly gave me some things to think about regarding writing, travel and spirituality, and left me with some suggestions on where to go next, and what books to look at picking up in the used book store. I’ll see him again next week, and hopefully I will have completed the ‘homework’ he gave me by then.

I’ll be honest; I’d love to turn this blog into something more, but as I spoke with the WC, I realized that I didn’t know what direction I wanted it to go in. Hell, I didn’t even know what direction I *didn’t* want it to go in. Am I wanting to do Travel Writing? Am I going the direction of Inspiring Others? What about Self-Help? Am I going to write about the Spirituality of Adventure?

I DON’T KNOW!

Man… this whole ‘think before you write’ thing is complicated!

I’m so confused.

Share

Crouching Tiger, Gawking Cougar

5.20.2010 | 2 Comments

I love going to the swimming pool! I mean, it’s the best thing EVER! I wish I could go every single day, and spend lots and lots of time ogling. I MEAN SWIMMING! …and spend lots and lots of time SWIMMING.

I went swimming for the second time yesterday, and I have to say this: that’s freaking hard work! I could barely swim a length let alone attempt an entire lap. It was a very humbling experience given that I used to be able to swim a mile. But then again, at that age swimming wasn’t nearly as fatiguing given that I didn’t have to walk around the deck with my gut sucked in. That’s very tiring, you know.

Although I was fully intent on sauntering out of the change room and over to the lanes to dive in and start my swim, as I walked in I kind of freaked out, and simply made a bee-line for the hot tub where I could hide.

“I meant to do that. This is why I’m here. I’m… ummm… recovering from… surgery for my… uhhh… liver, and the doctor advised me to… to… to sit in the hot tub at the public pool!”  Yes. That’s it. Totally believable.

But here’s the thing about the hot tub – you simply cannot sit in it by yourself and look at all composed. You quickly realize that you have nothing to do but people watch. And then you realize that the pool is full of elderly women participating in the Osteo-fit class, and that you are now stuck watching bobbing flowered swim caps and listening to the Beach Boys.

However, as a welcome distraction, there are the (far too young) attractive lifeguards wandering around the pool deck, and you can make quite a game of looking at them. It was really quite exciting when I made eye contact with one of them, and he started to come over to the hot tub.

FYI: It is very difficult to be coquettish when one is looking like a wet rat in a black sausage casing. Why don’t they put bubble bath in that hot tub?

Anyway, the (far too young) attractive lifeguard came over my way, and as I smiled at him, he smiled back. ‘Direct hit!’ I thought to myself, preparing for the inevitable pick-up line he was about to give. But then he bent down and picked up a piece of wet paper towel that I had tracked in from the change room. Smooth, Robyn, reeeeeal smooth.

Ok, so now I realized that I no longer had a choice. I had to get out of that hot tub at some point. I mean really, you can’t sit in that hot tub for too long, especially when all you can do is either gawk at the (far too young) lifeguard, or spend precious moments promising yourself that you’ll never buy a flowered swim cap.

Ok…. here we go…

-Pull bathing suit out of butt.

-Suck in gut.

-Stand.

-Confidently walk over to the lanes, trying not to dwell on the nubbly, wet, fungus-deck.

-Bend down, splash water from the pool onto yourself. Try to muffle squeaky scream when you realize just how cold that water is after raisin-izing yourself in the hot tub for 30 minutes. Stand and act like an Olympic swimmer as you perch on the pool edge preparing to dive in.

-Realize that you have no idea how to dive, and now have to attempt to belly flop with grace.

-Shake hands out, take two steps back, pretend to stretch out shoulders pre-dive.

-Slip on wet kickboard, flail arms, turn backward and fall head first into the pool, completely destroying all hopes of keeping your hair dry and your dignity intact. Swear at yourself for not buying a flowered swim cap from the lobby gift shop.

-Come to surface. Secretly show gratitude for the overly-loud Osteo-fit class’ Beach Boys music, which perfectly covered the sound of your entrance into the water.

I spent the next 45 minutes doing lengths of the pool, mostly with the kickboard, and marveling at how tiring this whole swimming thing is. However, I should expect to be tired after 45 minutes of exercise, so it’s really not that bad. Then I actually looked at the clock and saw that I had, in fact, been in the pool for about 12 minutes.

Swimming is not easy. It is not the fun little way to spend time that it once was. How on earth did Ali and I swim ALL DAY when we were kids?! We were probably hopped up on sugar or something.

Nevertheless, I did enjoy my swim day hour minutes, and look forward to going back. Maybe I can convince Ali to join me next time…

Share

Not Drowning, but Waving

5.13.2010 | 0 Comments

Today, I am venturing forth into the world of bravery. A world full of frightening things, a world which few dare to enter. A world where one’s mettle is tested, and where a mind can be shattered in a mere instant. One risks many things in this world, and does so knowingly… yet one still chooses to goes in anyway. One must be heroic

This world is not for the weak.

This world is not for the mere, nor for the partial. One must be confident, secure, solid and skilled. One must be prepared.

This world is calling to me now, and I have no capacity to resist. I must rely on my memory to get me through. I must rely on my feigned ignorance.

And so I go… I’m going cautiously, but with mustered grace. I’m going wisely, and with hope. I’m going set with knowledge, yet, astutely unaware.

I… am going swimming.

Share

The Gratitude Challenge

5.04.2010 | 4 Comments

I’ve had a rough couple of days where I’ve struggled a bit to find gratitude. Gratitude is something I look for everyday, and usually it’s so easy to find. I mean really, who woudn’t be grateful for The Hockey Song, or aluminum foil, or the fact that you really hate the taste of Twinkies (thank god!).

On July 27th, 1999 I started something that has made a huge impact on my life. Every night before bed I write down three things that I am grateful for, in a spiral-bound journal. For almost eleven years I have spent a few minutes each day focusing on a few of the things that made my day. I’m on my 9th journal now, and I have no plans on stopping anytime soon. I’ve taken journals to Mexico, Greece, Paris, the British Virgin Islands, and beyond. I’ve even had one journal stolen out of my check-in luggage while flying to San Juan (I was so not grateful for that).

Some days it’s harder to find things to be grateful for, yes. But those are the days when I know I really need to find things that I am grateful for (things like not being a tree stump, for example). But for the most part, I have many more than just three things to be grateful for (things like the perfect pen, warm toes, and taking your bra off at the end of the day – sorry guys, you’ll just never know). There is gratitude in all things, and I learned this soon after I started the first journal. I found myself seeking out and identifying things that I am grateful for throught the day.It’s all about perspective.

Now, I’m not talking fluffy-aura-positive-fairy dust stuff here. I’m talking reality. In a hurry?

“Ooooh, green light! Sweet!”

Listening to a great song in the car?

“Ooooh, red light! Sweet!”

But for the past few days I have been fighting to find those things that are right in front of me. I’m getting mad at the journals. “What am I grateful for? NOTHING.”  *humpf* Then I unhappily pout myself to sleep.

But I wanted to share with you three things that I am grateful for today. I don’t normally share these things, but I figured I just told you about taking my bra off, so what have I got to lose? My dignity? Pfffft… riiiiiiiiiiight…

Today I am grateful for:

  1. My sponsor Laura at Better Still Day Spa is donating all her tips for the month of May to the Delta Hospice!
  2. My friend Uds has graciously offered to DJ at the Kili Gala, and his friend from Mir-Mor Productions has offered to lend him the sound equipment he needs,  FREE OF CHARGE!
  3. My beautiful, driven, talented, relentlessly stunning friend Eran has honoured me greatly by making me this month’s “Featured Quester” on her brilliant blog The Quarterlife Quest!

Now, these are HUGE things to be grateful for. I’m used to being grateful for things like having just the right amount of milk left in the jug for my morning mocha, or finding a crumpled $10 bill in a winter coat.

There is gratitude to be found in everything. I have no bathroom ceiling right now, due to water leaks in the pipes being repaired. Could be worse, my toilet could have fallen through the floor or something. I’m struggling financially right now. But the reason for that is because I’m going to Africa to climb a mountain! My thumb nail broke off this morning. But it happened right before I hit my thumb on the cupboard door, which would have surely torn the nail instead. Ah, haaaaa… gratitude in all things.

And what are you grateful for today?

I hereby challenge you to find three things today that you are grateful for. And when you find three, you’ll surely find three more. I promise.

As for me… I am grateful for gratitude.

Share

Show Tunes Don’t Lie!

4.30.2010 | 0 Comments

I was speaking with my friend Min last night, and we got to talking about how our lives have changed. Min has always dreamed of being a chef, and just this past year she enrolled in a chef training program and is loving every minute of it. Her dream is on its way to becoming a reality, and that is SO cool!

As for me, I have always dreamed of being a writer. Ever since I was a little girl, I could see myself as a published author. This dream really got legs when I was in 4th grade, and my teacher sent one of my stories in to Owl Magazine. (It was a story about my dog Oreo, and a red dragon. I have no idea why...) Anyway, it wasn’t chosen to be published, but the fact that someone else thought that my imagination was good enough to show the world… well… that was it. I was a smitten kitten with the written word.

And so… here I am, with this blog, making a point to write every single day. Every day that I write, it makes me anticipate the NEXT day when I get to write again. My mind is constantly working, thinking of ideas and topics to blog about.  In a way, I’m living out MY dream too, just like Min is living out hers.

And the funny thing is, we both can feel that our lives are going to change. Soon. We can’t say exactly what’s going to happen (who can?!), but we know it’s something… something big…

Now, Min and I have been friends for a long time. In high school we both were in a production of West Side Story (She was a Shark chick, and I played the role of ‘Anybodys’). And as our conversation last night progressed, we both felt the need to burst into song. At the same time, out of the blue, and with hearty gusto, Min and I channeled our inner Jet and our inner Shark and just let forth:

Could be!
Who knows?
There’s something due any day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
It may come cannonballing down through the sky,
Gleam in its eye,
Bright as a rose!

Who knows?
It’s only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Under a tree.
I got a feeling there’s a miracle due,
Gonna come true,
Coming to me!

Could it be? Yes, it could.
Something’s coming, something good,
If I can wait!
Something’s coming, I don’t know what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great!

With a click, with a shock,
Phone’ll jingle, door’ll knock,
Open the latch!
Something’s coming, don’t know when, but it’s soon;
Catch the moon,
One-handed catch!

Around the corner,
Or whistling down the river,
Come on, deliver
To me!
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It’ll be there!

Come on, something, come on in, don’t be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!
Who knows?
It’s only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Maybe tonight . . .

Share

Burning Down the Stuff.

4.28.2010 | 2 Comments

First thing yesterday morning I received an email from Ali. In effect, it said:

You know that warehouse that stores all the excess Whitecaps soccer gear that you and I are taking to that Rwandan orphanage to donate? Yah, well… that warehouse burned down last night. We lost everything.

Gone. All of it is gone. There were shirts, cleats, socks, shorts, soccer balls… everything that we were hoping would bring a little more joy into the lives of some kids on the other side of the world. Gone. How completely surreal and totally unexpected.

Why did this happen? I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So… what’s the reason for this loss?

Even though Ali and I were both saddened by the loss of all the stuff, we quickly realized that the stuff wasn’t the important thing. We don’t need stuff to give. We have our time to give instead. Why not go to that Rwandan orphanage anyway, and spend a couple of days playing soccer with the kids? Maybe I’m totally wrong here, but something tells me that they’ve been getting by just fine with what soccer stuff they currently have…

And in my head I just can’t help thinking that maybe just going over there and spending time with the kids would make more of an impact than coming laden with stuff. It’s just STUFF.

And that impact I’m talking about? I have a funny feeling that I’m talking about myself there. I think I’ll be learning more from those children than I could ever teach them. That makes me anticipate the trip even more.

Strange that it took a burned down warehouse for me to understand that.

Share

The Power of One

4.23.2010 | 2 Comments

I cried on my way in to work this morning.

I had my iPod on ‘shuffle’, and the song it chose to play was The Rainmaker from The Power of One soundtrack.

Now, here’s there thing about The Power of One – as much as I loved the movie, in my opinion the book  is far, far better. It is the book I most recommend to people when they are looking for a good read. The only downside to the book, is that it doesn’t have the incredible music that the movie does. Ahhhh, Hans Zimmer… is there anything you can’t do?

For me, The Rainmaker is by far the most moving song on the The Power of One soundtrack, and this morning when I heard the first few seconds of The Rainmaker, I got chills.

Then the tears came.

It made me think of my fast-approaching trip to Africa, and how completely overwhelming it is to consider. It scares me, but I also sense a strange kind of peace at the same time. I can’t shake the feeling that this trip will change my life. I have no idea what to expect, I don’t know how it will go, who I will meet, how the air will smell, or how the earth will feel. But I do know that something there is waiting. I don’t know if it’s something good, or something not so good, but I know it’s something.

My life right now is calm. I’m not in a place where I feel that I must change something. I’m content.  I enjoy my days (although I’d really like to have a nice, handsome, romantic boy to share those days with… but that’s another story altogether…), and really feel that I am a happy, successful woman.

But a change is coming to me, whether I want it or not.  Sometimes one can just sense these things…

And so, as I sat in the parkade at work, I pressed repeat on the ol’ iPod and sat in my car, listening to The Rainmaker again. I saw a world far bigger than myself. An expanse of… something – air, blue, sweetness, openness, red soil, high mountains, a far tree in the distance. A huge nothing of… something.

And for all that I didn’t know about that ‘nothing of something’, I knew one thing for certain:

I’m going there.

Share